The Janus Effect

In ancient Roman religion and myth, Janus (/ˈdʒeɪnəs/; Latin: Ianus, pronounced [ˈjaː.nus]) is the god of beginnings and transitions, and thereby of gates, doors, doorways, passages and endings. He is usually depicted as having two faces, since he looks to the future and to the past. Wikipedia



"Remember when we laid that tile floor? It was really damp and cold, and you didn't really want to try it. But it turned out great."
"Look! I found the labels I was looking for last month."
"When we put that shower in, it was luxuriously huge compared to the old house."

 I've been doing a lot of commentary like that lately, squeezed in between long hours of cleaning, sorting, saving, trashing. So much of what I am was built, piece by piece, plant by plant, at that nursery. Now in some ways, I am taking it back apart, piece by piece; plant by plant. It has been a little bit of a sad progression. I am recognizing a series of "last times", too. Last deliveries, last talks, last orders. Last weeding, last Round up spray, last grass cut.
It's as if I must now maintain two faces- the one that looks ahead while one continues to look behind.


The good news is that the transition has been relatively quick, and not terribly painful. The property sold quickly, and the clean out was a Herculean task done at hurricane speed. Now what remains are plant propagules that I just haven't been able to part with yet. 
 But maybe that day is even just a short glance ahead.

So now when I look forward with one face, I hope to use the gift of hindsight to guide me. My days will be a bit like a game of Jenga. I'll be "downsizing"; taking out things, and places, and even people without disturbing the framework of a life. More and more I can see what is important, and what is distracting me from important. I aim to use that rear view to help me remove the diversions and to explore the significant.

I'll also probably lean on those grandson eyes to guide my future. Right now, there can be no happier place. But I know that will also change when the granddaughter arrives in just a few weeks.

At the end of the day, at the end of a career, at the end of a life, there are ways to look back and ways to look ahead. I am feeling pretty good about getting to the heart of it, and opening my mind to that "beauty, joy and strength".



Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.

– Henry Miller