Resolution

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.”
― Edith Lovejoy Pierce

 January 1, 2015. It's that time of year when the inevitable "New Year's Resolution" rears it's ugly head again. So, of course I am going to eat healthy, exercise more, and drink less. So far so good. It's almost 3 pm, and I am almost perfect.
This year is a little different. My resolution is also a little more complicated than the standard one, but I am hoping it is a lot more achievable in the long run. In fact, this year I might refer to my resolution with a capital R. It encompasses multiple definitions of the word, and multiple years in the making.

First, there's the picture of what I want my future to look like.  
"Resolution- seeing a clearer picture, as in the degree of detail visible in a photograph". I've spent the last couple of years turning knobs in my head to get that picture focused. The girls have helped me zero in on the particulars, and I now see distinctly that the babies to be will and should take much more of my time and energy. I have been immersed in the world of plants for a long time now, and that has taught how to watch as buds swell, leaves unfurl, flower petals perfume the days. I am excited by each stage of growth, and have learned to ingest each moment with great pleasure.

Now I look forward to that same painstaking but luxuriously leisurely interest in each grand baby, and to watch my own girls enter the next stages of their lives.

"Resolution- the process of reducing or separating something into its components". So, how do I take this nursery, this business, this career, this passion apart ? I can't just give it up without giving up myself. Instead, I must pick the most essential pieces, and find a way to shed the other parts. As the day to day, season to season goes, the propagation of new plants is the art, the science, the magic I live for. Whatever I do, wherever I go, I need to have that contact with nature for grounding and for sheer exhilaration.

So, I will take just the early moments of a plant's new life, and let go of the growing and feeding and pruning and maturing.

"Resolution- the solution, the end to questions or symptoms, a settlement"- I've watched a lot of nursery folks wear themselves down to a nub, or less. It is a hard life, but a life hard to give up as well. What happens to all the special plants, the stock, the potential seedlings bred for the future? The pull of the process is so strong towards the future that it makes logical, practical planning for an end difficult, if not impossible. The resolution, therefore, must be the end of questioning when, if and maybe even why. It must be done by choice, not by chance. So, we are beginning the process of selling the nursery property, although still also propagating and transplanting plants.

We'll wind down across the spring, and get serious about reducing inventory down and calculating sale pricing up until we meet the equilibrium we desire. There we will find our settlement, and go on, comfortable and clear, into the next phase of our lives.

It wouldn't be resolution if it was easy. There's a struggle at every step; a stall, a quiver, a tear at some. 

I understand now that resolve must be unshakable, strong-willed, adamant, single-minded. It is difficult to give up one loved life for another.  

But, as Robert Frost says, "

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep".

“For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning."

(Little Gidding)”
― T.S. Eliot